Helping Children Overcome Separation Anxiety: Tips for Parents
As a parent, witnessing own child's heart-wrenching cries and clingy behavior during kindergarten drop-offs can be emotionally challenging. This behavior is often indicative of separation anxiety, a normal phase of child development that affects children between the ages of 6 months and 3 years. Children during this age period usually become more aware of their parents’ presence and absence, leading to distress when separated from them. Typically, separation anxiety eases as the child grows older, with most children gaining more tolerance to separation around the age of 3.
With the right approach and support, both parents and children can navigate through this phase more smoothly. Below we will explore separation anxiety, such as the signs that may indicate its presence, common triggers, and strategies to help the child ease into daycare and overcome separation anxiety.
Signs of Separation Anxiety
Recognizing signs of separation anxiety is essential for parents to offer appropriate support. The common signs include throwing tantrums, resisting parents during pick-ups, difficulty sleeping at night, repetitive physical complaints, and excessive fears of losing the parent.
Throwing tantrums: stomping, screaming, throwing themselves to the floor, etc. A child may refuse to engage with other adults or children.
Resisting parents during pick-up: Might be hard to understand, it is quite common that children express their protesting parent’s leaving them to someone else through a resisting behaviour, such as no talking to parent when the parent comes to pick up the child.
Difficulty in sleeping at night: The child may refuse to go to sleep because he/she want to be with the parent after being away from the parent for a long period of time during the day. That’s the why the child seeks emotional comfort and connection. The child may see sleep as another long period of separated, which makes him or her stressful and restless. Some children with severe separation anxiety may have nightmares or start to cry at night although previously he or she is able to sleep well.
Repetitive physical complaints: A child experiencing severe separation anxiety may complaint quite often about headache, stomach distress, etc.
Expression of excessive fears: If the child has excessive fears or worries about losing the parent(s) or harm coming to the parent(s) if the parent(s) are out of his or her sight, it is a sign that they may has severe separation anxiety.
Triggers of Separation Anxiety
Separation anxiety can be triggered by specific scenarios, such as saying goodbye, large gatherings, or starting daycare after a break. These triggers often stem from the child's lack of a sense of security when separated from the primary caregiver.
How to Help the Child Ease into Kindergarten
Children will eventually outgrow the stress of being away from the parents and start their own social life outside home. Here we provide tips of helping the child settle down in kindergarten.
1. Familiarizing with the new place
Visit the daycare with the child beforehand to familiarize them with the new environment. During the visit, the parent(s) and the child will see the whole premises of the kindergarten. The group teacher will introduce the operation program to the parent(s), and the child has the chance to play a while in the group.
2. Start Up Discussion
When the day care spot is confirmed, the group teacher will have startup discussion with the parents before the starting day. This discussion helps the teacher understand better of the child’s lifestyle at home, basic care tips, as well as what should be especially paid attention to at daycare. At Kamukoti we have “soft start” process to help children eventually get used to the kindergarten environment, group adults and other children, as well as the group routine. The process of the gentle start will also be decided together by the teacher and the parent(s) during the startup discussion.
3. Soft Start Process
Implement a gentle start process in daycare, gradually increasing the time the child spends away from the parent(s). This step-by-step approach helps child adjust to the new setting at their own pace. At Kamukoti, the soft start procedure is planned beforehand together by the group teacher and the parents. The procedure is also modifiable based on the adults’ evaluation of the child’s adjustment situation.
4. Drop-off and Pick-up Routine
Parents should establish a consistent goodbye routine, including brief and respectful chats with staff, hugs and kisses, reassurance of their return, and handing the child to familiar staff members. Avoid sneaking out or returning after departure, which will cause the child’s fear of sudden losing the parent and the feeling of uncertainty.
5. Morning Routine at Home
Maintain a simple and consistent morning routine, ensuring enough sleep and allocating time for the relaxing start of the day, and allowing the child to make a decision (for example, choose the clothes for the next day). It is especially important to prioritize the essential tasks and omit other tasks that can be done later during the day.
6. Child-Parent Quality Time
Evening can be busy because of the house chores and parent(s) would like to have some quiet time if possible. However, it is evitable to give at least 30 minutes daily for the meaningful interactions with the child. At kindergarten we emphasize adult’s genuine presence, which means that an adult is not only physically present but also actively interact with the child to observes, listens to the child in order to better support child’s learning and development. We recommend parent(s) spend time, ideally no less than half an hour, doing something together with the child. For example, engaging in the child's play, getting the child involved in house chores in the way that suits his or her capabilities, or spending some outdoor time together to have some exercises or explore the community and nature. The child will get emotionally satisfied through the 30 minutes quality time with the parent(s) and gets more courage to explore the outside world.
7. Practice Short Separation:
Since early age, parent(s) can gradually introduce the child to short periods of separation from them. It is not only beneficial for child’s developing social life outside the home in future, but also gives parent(s) a break to calm nerves and promote emotional well-being, which will ultimately strengthen the parent’s relationship with the child.
The child can practice enjoying the time to be alone since little. For example, parent can leave the baby in the crib for a short while after he or she wakes up and experiences some pleasant time to be alone. Then the parent can give a smile, gentle pick up the baby and even cheerfully say that “You look so happy”.
Before leaving the child to a trusted friend, relative, or kindergarten staff, parent(s) should tell the child beforehand that the parent(s) will be away for a while and come back later. If the child will practice separation in a new place or with new people, take time to introduce them to the child gradually, allowing the child to get to know the place and the people.
A child may react more sensitively to separation when he or she is tired or hungry. Therefore, it is always good to plan parent’s separation when the child is rested and fed. Parents needs to give the children positive attention (e.g., praise) when they have made an effort to cope with separation. In this way the children will feel more confident to deal with separation.
Additional Considerations
Keep in mind that even after outgrowing separation anxiety, children may experience temporary anxious feelings during stressful periods, such as illness or changes. Pay attention to any sudden behavioral changes and offer support to help them navigate through these challenges.
Separation anxiety is a natural part of a child's development, and as parents, understanding and supporting our children during this phase is crucial. The strategies outlined above can be modified according to every family and parent’s specific situation, to develop their own approaches to help the children ease into kindergarten and build confidence in managing separations in various occasions. Patience, consistency, attentiveness to the child's emotions, and the collaboration among all related adults are the keys of decreasing separation anxiety, because these four elements can ultimately strengthen the child-trusted adult bond, foster a positive transition into kindergarten life, and empower our children to face new experiences with courage and resilience.